Surprising News

This morning I opened my email and began reading messages. Suddenly I saw this big headline:

“You should always consult with a physician before beginning any treatment for erectile dysfunction.”

Below was a photo of a handsome young man and a beautiful young woman obviously anticipating their impending pleasure. In the upper left corner the ad showed a blossom of three pills (Cialis, Levitra and Viagra) all pointing out with a red dot in the center and a caption reading:

“From $0.62 – Special Price – Order Now Men’s Trial Pack”

Then the picture shifted to a huge jet with its nose pointed at me, implying that I would soon have great elevation. This message was shorter:

“Fast delivery World Wide”

This ad might have been good news to some, but, it deflated my self-image. You see, I don’t have any body parts that need enhanced. I gave birth to three children, performed what has traditionally been considered women’s work and acted in ways that defined me as a woman.

But wait! This morning that email told me I am a man. Can this be true? Many people have told me that on-line advertisers target their ads to a specific audience who will use their products, so it must be true.

Do I need to buy tighty-whities instead of lacy undergarments and start watching sports and playing fantasy football? Perhaps I should take a lesson from my grandfather’s philosophy: “I don’t curse, drink or chew, nor associate with women who do.”  It would go well with the skill he taught me – how to roll cigarettes.

What’s a gal, er, guy to do?

© by Sharon D. Dillon, September 23, 2016

Sharon D. Dillon,, “Laugh your way to peace, love and joy” Author of Echoes of your Choices, 2016, available as an e-book or paperback at Amazon, Barnes and Noble and other online sites.

Chesapeake Bay Writers, Erma Bombeck Writers Workshop, Southern Humorists, National Society of Newspaper Columnists, Voices of Williamsburg Toastmasters Club.


12 thoughts on “Surprising News

  1. Stay feminine, Sharon. We like you that way. I never get those ads. I guess Yahoo filters them out, thank goodness. Or may they think I have nothing worth enhancing, which is probably just as well.

  2. How come I never get any ads for female drugs to enhance my staying power? Clearly the drug companies don’t know that many of us would be happy in our middle years to be less concerned with efficiency because of the side effects of peri menopause…

    1. Good question. Perhaps we are supposed to be satisfied with seeing a (male) doctor about our problems (down there). I’m done with male physicians. I’ve found that AstroGlide, available at most drug stores is a big help.

  3. I get a huge chuckle out of the emails I get offering youthful feminine friendship and performance. Thing is, I know from experience I’ve got the mind of a 30yo, and belief to match, and the body of a 69yo that is about limited out at the aforementioned chuckle.

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