How to make a Turducken of yourself – and get your dishwasher fixed

Ever since I bought my dishwasher many years ago, it has made a thunking noise and required an extra push to get the door to seal. Assuming it was made that way, I pushed and listened to the thunk. Events conspired to get it fixed last week, and I only had to make a turducken of myself.

My writing group was scheduled to meet at my house the next day and I needed to do a little bit of touch up cleaning. I pulled out my handy-dandy Swiffer© duster and began to dust. I poked that long handled gift from the cleaning fairies under, between and over dusty surfaces. I was so inspired that I even dusted things that had not been touched since the first Bush administration. The remaining dust appears to be from before the Stone Age, so I decided it should continue its progress toward making a new planet.

I had worked my way through the whole house and was finishing with the refrigerator top. I took a step back to better reach what was left. Wham! I was sitting on the dishwasher door and bottom rack. Colorful metaphors ensued. I just knew the appliance would need to be replaced.

Shifting my weight to stand and inspect the damage, I noticed a dinner fork was dangling from my left thumb. I pulled out the three embedded tines and headed for the bathroom to slap on a Band Aid©. There was a bright red trail along the way, looking like I had left melted, cherry popsicle drippings instead of bread crumbs to find my way back home.

Washing off the mess, I applied standard First Aid© and after taking a queasy break, I texted my daughter asking her to stop over when she had a chance to make sure I had bandaged it properly. She agreed to come a few hours later since she was currently babysitting her grandchildren.

I needed a shower badly. I could wash my body one-handed but not my messy hair, just dirt, not red stuff. I worked and worked to get a finger protector on my thumb. By the time I finally rolled it down to the thumb’s base, I was again leaking vital fluids. I cut off the original bandage and the protector.

After taking another queasy break, I rebandaged the turduken thumb. This time I added a vinyl glove and headed to the shower. Somehow I cleaned my body, but let me ask you this. Have you ever tried to shampoo and condition with one hand? I lathered here, then there, then another place, hoping all the hair was clean. Rinse and repeat the procedure with the wash-out conditioner. Toweling myself dry with one hand was another interesting experience. Then – how to apply leave-in conditioner? How much hair was actually covered is another good question.

A few hours later my daughter arrived, inspected the turducken thumb and drove to the closest drugstore and bought me some waterproof Band Aids©. She redressed the wound and prepared to leave. I asked her to check my dishwasher for damage because it was making new thunks and clunks. Inspecting the machine she found that a screw was missing. She replaced it and now the dishwasher closes properly with just a click.

© by Sharon Dillon, September 16, 2014;
Erma Bombeck Writers Workshop, Southern Humorists, National Society of Newspaper Columnists, one of 14 stories published in The Book of Mom,, 20+ years experience writing for several newspapers and magazines.


Who am I?

At my age I don’t know how to make this story short and sweet but I’ll try.

I grew up in Ohio and recently attended my 50th high school reunion. I learned that old competitions and attitudes have melted away. In 1993 I graduated from Alverno College in Milwaukee. 2001 brought an early retirement from the State of Wisconsin and a move to Virginia’s Historic Triangle.

That was the wisest decision I’ve ever made. At the time my grandchildren were in middle school and this was my opportunity to get to know them before they became adults. Now my children, grandchildren and four great-grandsons are the light of my life. Of course, by now my children are mothering me, and I love it.

I’ve written for several newspapers and magazines in both Wisconsin and Virginia; great learning experiences and opportunities to meet many wonderful people. Now I blog for myself and hope to hone my skills to write a book or two before I crumble into a pile of ashes.

Additionally I am a Reiki Master Teacher and am now studying Science of Mind, a brain and soul expanding experience.

I welcome comments, whether they are suggestions for improvement or praise for a job well done.


Thoughts to Ponder

“Today you are You,
That is truer than true.
There is no one alive
Who is Youer than You”
Dr. Seuss


Dr. Seuss was the philosopher king of the 20th century. We raised our children with his silly verse and drawings, teaching them good behavior.

The only problem is that when we read Dr. Seuss to our children, we didn’t listen to what we were reading. Dr. Seuss spoke to adults as well as children. Please reread his quote and ask yourselves if you believe “there is no one alive who is Youer than You?”

Many of us grew up with questions like,
Why don’t you dress like ___?
Why aren’t you smart, athletic, or talented like your older brother/sister?”
When will you grow up and live up to your father’s/mother’s reputation/success?
What would your mother say if she knew ____?

Often those questions lead us to rebel in many little ways, sometimes in big ways. We didn’t know that we were actually just trying to be us, but we didn’t know how to do that. Often we absorbed the knowledge that we were “less than,” so how could we become the “you” we were born to be?

We were born unique and our life experiences were designed to teach us what we needed to learn to be the best “you” we could be. Some of us turned these learning experiences into opportunities. Some of us decided that we would always be second best or the worst, because we could not live up to others’ expectations. Now we know better.

It is never too late to become “you,” just “you” and no one else. If we haven’t started already, we can start right now. Before we make decisions or take actions, even small ones, we can ask ourselves, “Would the best me do this?”


Creator Spirit,
Thank you for reminding us that we are unique. We each have our own goals and personalities. The more we remember that we are unique, the more we know that no one can be better or worse than we are in any moment. That knowledge will lead us to better words and actions. Today I choose to be the best me I can be.

And so it is.

© by Sharon Dillon, September 9, 2014

Sharon D. Dillon, and Laugh your way to peace, love and joy at
Chesapeake Bay Writers, Erma Bombeck Writers Workshop, Southern Humorists, National Society of Newspaper Columnists
Author of one of 14 stories in The Book of Mom: Reflections of Motherhood with Love, Hope and Faith, published by Available in print and e-format at

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