I’m an artist

Having received a one of those eagerly anticipated letters from my Home Owners Association that said my house was lovely, as were my weedy flower garden and my splintery deck. However, they suggested a few tweaks to come into neighborhood compliance. Most of the suggestions required stain or paint.

Dutifully I bought deck stain and door paint and brushes. I have plenty of can openers and stir sticks. In fact I have enough to keep my paint cans open and stirred until I reach the point of hiring the job out to a lesser artist than I.

My largest purchase was a gross of edging tape to help me stay within the lines. I carefully taped anything that was even close to another color. Then I donned my oldest clothes, safety glasses and plastic gloves and began to spruce up my house.

The deck and front porch are now a new color, but close to the old color, as required by the HOA color guidelines. I changed the front door from the dark red that it has proudly worn for the past 12 years to a lovely forest green that matches the house number plaque I purchased at Busch Garden’s Christmas Market a year and half ago.

After a few weeks of work, an hour here and there, the project was complete and I carefully removed the edging tape. This was a sad duty, because I was beginning to like that blue outline. I thought it set off the other colors and made my house more cheerful than the others.

Once that task was completed I stood back to admire my work. I noticed that while my edges were all neat, several drips, splashes and smudges made the siding and door frames look like a Jackson Pollock painting. What an exciting prospect! If Pollock could sell his drips and splashes for thousands of dollars, why shouldn’t I get at least a million for a work of art that included a two bedroom house?

Regrettably, all I got was another letter from the HOA telling me to get some paint that matches the siding to cover up the various drips, splashes and smudges.

Some people just don’t appreciate valuable art!

© Sharon Dillon, July 19, 2014


13 thoughts on “I’m an artist

  1. I’m grateful that I don’t live in a development. However, if I did it would probably be the kick in the pants that I need to get some of this work done.

  2. Love it. I become like those feinting goats when I even think about those dreadful tasks. Nice to know I am in good company,

  3. Dear Sharon,

    Good tone and capture of your mood. Again, you have a way of converting personal lemons into lemonade. Keep it up.

    1st sentence incomplete and wordy. Suggest: “Recently I received … house, weed flower garden and splintery deck were lovely — if out of compliance with our neighborhood rules. …” Add “(HOA)” after “Association”

    2nd paragraph: ending should be either: “than I am” or “than me”.


    Jack Lott

  4. They probably would have evicted JP from the neighborhood! Some folks are a mite short on fetchin’ up. Unfortunately, they’re the most likely candidates for committees that get to judge other folks’ imagination.

  5. Philistines!

    Loved this. Being an HOA victim myself, I can relate. Do yourself a favor and read Bentley Little’s THE ASSOCIATION. It’s a novel about an HOA out of control!

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